with reliquary eyes and a diadem frown

Sun, 17 Jun 2007 17:18:25 GMT

Things have changed yet again. I'm not detailing it here, though. As soon as I say something, it changes. I'm watching the new King Kong and it's making me sad. I'm about to spend the rest of my Sunday afternoon with my boyfriend. I just felt like checking this shit out. Peace.

Sat, 12 May 2007 20:58:03 GMT

weather report for the kayleighian territory: sunny and beautiful.

i'm almost done with my AA. I know I've said this for like two years, but seriously. I just started my final class: Earth Sciences (with an emphasis on geology). It's boring and It's 12 weeks long, but the professor is amazing.

I just got another summer job, so peace out, starfucks. I'll get weekends off with my boyfriend and I get 32 hour weeks. I'm hoping I can go back to Lenscrafters in the fall since I'm moving back to Orlando on August 1.

Speaking of which, I have a roommate and a condo now. We move in August 1 like I just said. The place has 2 bedrooms and a spiral staircase that leads up to the loft, which will serve as our library. My roommate is this cool chick, Jaime. We get along well. She has a life so we won't get on each other's nerves and in each other's space. Also, she doesn't do drugs or hang out with hooligans.

But I do. haha. Hope she can handle it. I kid. I'm growing up and I care more about spending time with my lover and making money than getting trashed and worrying about whether I'll get caught on the drive home. I can't say I've completely cleaned up, but I'm good for the most part. Fuck, who am I trying to explain myself to? That's dumb. I do what I want.

Just thought you guys should know how much my life rules. I'm off to go shopping. Peace, fools.

RIP Kurt Vonnegut

Fri, 13 Apr 2007 03:37:56 GMT

Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.

Life is good

Wed, 04 Apr 2007 05:06:41 GMT

and should be for at least the next few weeks because I have an awesome work schedule and my classes are going along smoothly.

Also, I get to meet Nick's family this weekend. I'm a little nervous but I'm mostly just glad I got invited. What a happy Easter it will be.

Sat, 24 Mar 2007 20:07:35 GMT

i thought about posting but this goddamn computer of his. it's too sensitive. the cursor keeps jumping around. augh.

Tue, 13 Mar 2007 01:01:56 GMT

happy birthday to me. i got the best present ever this year. nick.

We rock out with his cock out

Sat, 03 Mar 2007 23:43:05 GMT

Nick is my boyfriend. Yay! Our official anniversary is February 28. He makes me smile. He is romantic. He is funny. He is thoughtful. He's fun. He loves me. I love him. I am so thankful for him.

I could put more but I'm probably already triggering your gag reflex. It's only because you're jealous, though. You'll get yours..whether that's a good thing or not depends on you.

News Flash

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 13:19:35 GMT

I have a valentine. His name is Nick. He is the most wonderful guy I've ever met. It's so sick how bad I've got it for him. He makes me incredibly happy. In closing, we are the best. I hope this lasts. I have never felt this good with anyone. It's almost too good to be true, but I try not to let that scare me. He's my love. And he's over an hour away. Lame. I saw him last night and I already miss him. Also lame. We're spending the weekend together, though. :) Peace, bitches.

so

Fri, 09 Feb 2007 04:54:02 GMT

i feel like a shitty person. there are so many fucked up things in this world and specifically, in our country, but i do nothing to help make changes. i caught myself thinking, "it's too late" today. i'm already giving up and it's people like me who have allowed shit to get out of control like this. i just hate confrontation. i hate arguing. i would rather let someone think they're right than debate about something in most cases. i know that if i want to do anything to make our nation stronger, i'm going to have to fight. i'm going to have to argue and there will definitely be confrontations. if i'm not up for that, then i guess i should just shut the fuck up. argh. i'm so lazy. i should get out and do something.

oh yeah, i quit smoking a little while back. woo. i smoked too many cloves the other night, though, and i made myself throw up in IBAR. it wasn't fun. i used to be able to chain smoke those bitches. evidently, i've got beginner's lungs again and the stomach to go along with them. not cool.

on a lighter note, i had wonderful sex with my pseudo boyfriend the other day. he is so excellent. also, i gave myself 4 orgasms tonight. not bad, not bad at all. i think that's all the update you need on my sex life.

i'm tired of waking up early only to be in class for 2 hours, max. if i had a job, it'd be worth it, i guess. but um. i don't. so i wish i could just sleep in. i almost said i haven't been taking naps anymore but i took one tonight. i'm cutting back on them, at least. i think i sleep too much and it has a negative effect. the problem is, i see no reason to stay awake. i just know it will benefit me eventually..like when i get a job and i can't take a nap, but i'm in the habit of it and i get all grumpy and cuss people out. that could get me fired. that was all hypothetical..job included. ok peace.

Feelin good

Wed, 24 Jan 2007 18:15:40 GMT

I missed class Monday and Tuesday. Monday was intentional, but I was highly pissed with myself about yesterday. I got points taken off for missing Social Problems. It sucked because they came out of my speech grade which was an A (of course). I spoke to Prof Cook about it and he's not mad. That's more important to me. I like him and if I get to know him better, I could look to him as one of my mentors. He's the first sociology professor I've had. I was a little scared he would talk of dropping me. That's not allowed. If I get dropped from my socio classes, I'll cry. Another plus: I wrote the shittiest paper ever and didn't have to turn it in today. She gave us an extra week on it since she was gone. I'm going to do a complete rewrite. Yes!

I may have a job cleaning pools. Don't laugh. I do hardly anything and get paid for it. I work when I want. I never work weekends. I get paid. Sounds like a plan, right? An old friend has a pool cleaning business and wants me to help him. I came up with every reason not to because I'm afraid there will be some blur between professionalism and friendship and fuck things up. I hope he isn't expecting anything. I figure even if he is, I can just quit if it gets awkward. We'll see how long this lasts. It's gotta make more than $7 an hour at blockbuster. That shit is a joke.

Socially, life is going well. Romantically, life is going well. I don't feel like sharing any interesting details so dream something up. My life is way better than your imagination but you can try.

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 23:13:06 GMT

INFP - "Questor". High capacity for caring. Emotional face to the world. High sense of honor derived from internal values. 4.4% of total population.

Free Jung Personality Test (similar to Myers-Briggs/MBTI)

Oh god, quoting the l word

Sun, 14 Jan 2007 22:43:45 GMT

"I wish you happiness and I wish that you spare each other pain. If you find that isn't possible then, I wish you forgiveness."

He makes me smile.

Sat, 13 Jan 2007 20:27:40 GMT

Hearing his voice fixes everything. I was crying on my pillow and he called to see if I was okay. He told me he misses me. That's all it took. I feel better. He was going to hang out with me tonight, but I close. I need the hours, but I'd love to get off early and see him. Maybe I'll get lucky and see him tomorrow or Monday.

When can I see you, can I know you, can I hold you, hold you?

Fri, 12 Jan 2007 19:38:31 GMT

Something is happening between Nick and I. I have no idea where it will go or how long it will last, but it makes me happy. I try not to think too far in the future. We've been spending a lot of time together since New Year's Eve. I'm nervous. It seems like this is just about where we were the last time things fell apart. We're both kinda unstable. But he got me roses and he's been so very affectionate. He's supportive, as always. He's such a good friend, but I want him to be mine. I'm about to just throw myself into this, but that seems so unsafe. Everything I do is calculated now. I only show so much interest, my actions are very controlled. I'm scared of getting hurt again. I don't want to lose what little faith I've gotten back. I really want this to work. He's the best person I know. I only work until 930 tonight and I don't work until 5 tomorrow night, so I've gotta do something. I'm not sure if I should see Nick or not. I don't want to wear out my welcome. I feel so tired and shitty today. I fell asleep in the shower. It was nice until I woke up freezing. I need to eat. I'm out.

And if you love him, let him know
And if you leave him, tell him so

Fuckkkkkk

Wed, 10 Jan 2007 06:34:01 GMT

I hurt.

Sat, 06 Jan 2007 19:04:52 GMT

I lived off 3.5 hours of sleep yesterday. I went to bed at five, got up at 830 and went to class at ten. I love my professors. There's going to be a lot of writing in each class, though. That intimidates me a little, but I think it might break my writer's block. I stayed up watching the L Word when I got out of class and took a thirty minute nap before work. When I got off work, I met Sherrod and Rob at Rob's house. I don't think his friends liked me. They were making comments but I paid no attention to them. I stayed with them until 130, then Rob went in and Sherrod stayed with me for another hour. I crashed as soon as I got home. I slept sooo well. I just woke up like twenty minutes ago. I'm reading for literature now. I don't know why, but I felt like describing the last 24 hours of my life in detail.

What had happened was..

Fri, 05 Jan 2007 10:02:29 GMT

I went to Orlando to see Nick tonight. It was pretty sweet, as usual. I wanted to leave at 1245 so I could get my required 7 hours of sleep. I fell asleep around 10 and woke up around 11. At that point, Nick was passing out. I left on time, but I guess since I was tired, I didn't think to get gas..I'm sure you all know what happened. I ran out of gas on I-4 at 230am. I was at least 30 minutes from any friends or family and I was freaking the fuck out. A few months ago, 4 people got shot execution style on the side of the turnpike (like two hours from here) and that's all I could think about. Fortunately, Brian was on the phone with me when I broke down so his dad gave him money to come save me. That took almost an hour, though. In the mean time, I had to talk to someone and Brian's phone was dying. I called Nick and Dad, I even called Bob. I was so scared. Finally, Dad called back. He calmed me down a little but I felt bad for keeping him up so I hung up. As soon as I got off the phone with him, I got scared again. I called Nick and he finally answered. I felt bad for calling him, too. He actually started snoring at one point because he was so fucking tired. So yeah, Brian saved the day and I rewarded him with more love and some IHOP at 330am. I still owe him the gas money but my fucking card wouldn't work at the ATM. So, I have to be up at 845..

Class today was awesome, but of course I had some drama on the way there. My life is just fucking ridiculous sometimes. I got up at 730 this morning, thinking I had class at 10. I ended up not needing to be there until 11, but knowing me I'd go to sleep and not get back up. I decided to stay awake and I was so excited about class that I didn't even mind. I needed to buy my books, anyways. I had a beautiful plan of getting some coffee and perusing through my new textbooks before class. I got ready quickly and had some gatorade, took my pill then ran off to school. About 10 minutes into my drive, (which is about 30 minutes altogether) I started feeling nauseous. It was then that I remembered I didn't fucking eat. I'm not a morning person and I am definitely not a breakfast person, so I totally forgot. I stopped at Publix to get a donut and some water but it was too late. They'd stripped the floors the night before and the chemicals were so fucking strong. It was disgusting. I took a bite of my donut in line and laid my head on the edge of the counter while I waited. I have a weak stomach as it is, but strong smells make me especially sick. As soon as I got out of the store, I threw up. It was that bite of the donut and spit. I was dizzy as fuck. I tried to eat the rest of the donut but that shit was impossible since I'd just thrown it up. God, was that gross. I couldn't drive for like 20 minutes and finally, I ended up dragging my ass to my dad's since he was closest. I slept for about an hour and got to class five minutes late. Shit sucked. I didn't get my books, either. Melissa's in my class, though. It was cool seeing her again. My professor's cool as fuck, too. I'm so excited.

I'm so sleepy, but I'm extremely happy. I don't know what I'd do without my friends and family. They make everything worthwhile. Sweet dreams, all. Hopefully, tomorrow will go smoothly. Maybe I got the drama out of my system for this week. I know all of that shit was my fault. I'm just so absent-minded. I've gotta do something about that. Maybe going to sleep early so I'm not always rushing around would keep me from fucking up. I'm gonna get on that.

i'm a bitch bitch bitch

Wed, 03 Jan 2007 14:38:41 GMT

Classes start tomorrow and I don't have any books. That shit sucks. Hopefully, I can manage with the check I get on Friday. I'm excited about it otherwise. I have to be up by 845 if I want to get to class on time. That kinda sucks, but it'll keep me out of trouble..assuming I stay home (or at least go home early) at night like I'm supposed to..

Yesterday was a trip. I stayed up until 430am watching the L Word, had to get up at 915 and rush to get to the shop by 10. I get up there and because of the rain/wind, he can't tint my windows. So, I decided to go to my dad's. I had not seen him in a few days. I got back home around 12 and passed out (fully intending to wake up when Brian called). I missed like six calls, even had a text message and when I woke up, I had 3 minutes to get to work. Of course, I fell asleep with my laundry in the washer still. All of my work clothes were still soaked. I got to work an hour late wearing a damp shirt. It suckkked.

Oh, about New Year's eve. I spent it with Nick. He spent all kinds of money on food, drinks and stuff. It might've been a little bit of a waste. Seeing him makes me want him again. I acted as nothing more than a friend, but I've been thinking of him almost constantly since. He held my hand and put his arm around me, got close to me whenever possible and seemed happy that I was there..but no kiss. I admit I made it a little difficult, but I had hoped he would still try. Maybe he just thinks I'm no longer interested. I probably shouldn't be. I guess I'm just supposed to go on as I have been the last two months. I'll talk to him when he feels like calling, make no attempt to see him and pretend I don't care. Eventually, I won't.

I guess since I slept all day yesterday and went to bed at 1 last night, I'm rested. It's weird being up this early, though. I have a lot of shit to sort through in the garage. I'm off to organize.

Reasons 2007 will trump 2006

Tue, 02 Jan 2007 04:41:30 GMT

- 21st birthday

- Meagan's 18th

- Meagan's graduation

- University in Fall 07

- Out of debt

Contentedness

Tue, 02 Jan 2007 00:02:02 GMT

I am spending the evening with my dearest friend, Brian. He brought me a gift of all my favorite foods and drinks. It sounds strange, but it's definitely the coolest shit I got this year. We're listening to the Decemberists and sampling some of my new folk music. I think it's time for dinner, which will be followed with sudoku, books and coffee. For what more could I ask? It's still raining softly outside and we'll spend the next few hours on the porch, soaking it in.

I'm off.

Sun, 31 Dec 2006 06:47:17 GMT

I've grown a lot in the past year. My priorities have changed so much. My morals and values remain the same but I'm doing a better job of adhering to them now. I treat myself better. I don't take shit anymore. I like myself. I have self-confidence, self-respect. I've been through three men, but no real relationships. I've maintained a friendship with one, completely lost interest in one and forgotten most everything about the other.

I feel like I'm really going somewhere with my education now. I've chosen sociology as my major. It leaves me with the opportunity to pursue law, social work, marketing, political science and of course, applied sociology, all of which I've considered before. I still want to go to UCF but I don't know if I'll be financially capable of moving back to Orlando.

I started working out. I plan to continue. I will work out every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. If I cannot make those days, I will still be working out three days a week. I must do this. I want abs. (I want the V cut.) I want definition in my arms, legs and back, too.

I had all intentions of continuing this, but I'm tired. I want to watch the L Word now. Good night.

Gettin' on the swoll train

Fri, 29 Dec 2006 00:53:03 GMT

I just worked out for 4 hours. Seriously. We took like a 15 minute break. Tomorrow's gonna suck.

I got your name and number, you seem kinda surprised

Wed, 27 Dec 2006 15:34:15 GMT

I have a computer test tonight. If I pass it, which I think I will, I start my new job tomorrow. I'm already preparing myself for how much it's going to suck. It's a telemarketing job, but it pays $13. I need the money. If I hold out until my birthday, this job will pay everything off. I'll be sitting pretty. After that, if I can still handle it, I'll just buy a shit ton of stuff. I figure I can handle it. If I have to spend 25 hours a week doing some shit for money, it might as well be for good money. Who cares if I hate life for 3 days a week until March? I think it will be worthwhile. I know my work ethic, though. My logic is right on, but that doesn't mean I won't get lazy halfway through and quit. Let's just hope I can muster up a little bit of self-control and perseverance.

As for Christmas, it was okay. It was a lot different than I've ever had it before. Dad was gone on Christmas, we did ours early. He spent most of his money on the kids. Catfish was there for the whole thing with Mom. Granny was in SC. I worked for 7 hours. That pretty much sums it up.

School starts in about one week. I want to get the first half of this semester out of the way. Once my debt is gone, I think this coming year will be sweet as fuck.

okay okay

Mon, 25 Dec 2006 13:17:01 GMT

merry christmas!

or as Brian wished (to me), " i hope you have a horrible christmas filled with general misanthropy."

I hate

Tue, 19 Dec 2006 19:50:35 GMT

I miss my laptop. All my music is on it. I should get it back this week. I hate my job. I hate being tired. I could just go back to sleep right now. I might. I have to work at 5. I'm done with expressing my feelings. That is so last year.